Do You Whine?

When my friend Elly taught in a middle school, he never hung out in the teacher’s room. He told me he couldn’t bear the badmouthing of students, the whining and the blaming.

Of course, not all teachers are like this. In fact, most of them aren’t. And of course, trolling isn’t reserved to the teacher’s room. Just about every organization, every online service, every product and every element of our culture now has chat rooms and forums devoted to a few people looking for something to complain about. Some of them even do it on television.

The fascinating truth is this: the people in these forums aren’t doing their best work. They rarely identify useful feedback or pinpoint elements that can be changed productively either. In fact, if you solved whatever problem they’re whining about, they wouldn’t suddenly become enthusiastic contributors. No, they’re just wallowing in the negative ions, enjoying the support of a few others as they dish about what’s holding them back.

It pays no dividends to go looking for useful insight from these folks. Go make something great instead.

As a recent grad of the TRP (Totally Responsible Person) certification program, I am much more aware of my own whining and when I get into the “victim mentality”. Then I can decide to shift!

How about you?

How To Know When You’re in VICTIM

Awareness allows CHOICE.┬áThe key is simply self awareness when you’re “there”. For me, it’s when I think life is happening TO me rather than FOR me.

First, I check my thoughts to see if I’m placing blame on another…or even fate or circumstances!

Second, I check my emotions to see if I’m feeling helplessness, wanting to give up, fear, or frustration that could lead to despair.

Finally I check out my behavior. It’s always a give-away in your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice.

What comes next are our strategies to deal with it. Things like the silent treatment, withdrawal, criticizing & fault-finding, changing the subject (my favorite) or acquiescing/caving in.

Please realize that any thought or action that indicates a giving up of responsibility of one’s emotional state and behavior reveals “victim mentality”.

Life is so much better when you take responsibility! Then you have the power to change!

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